FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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