So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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