we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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