Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
well you can't waste a boner
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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