Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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