We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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