get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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