remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
