The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Life is so much better after having sex.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize