My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
