you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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