bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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