had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
