He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
