You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
