think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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