Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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