I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
