Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
