i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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