She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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