Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
