My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
