he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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