Dual....:-)
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
