I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
