How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
