The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
