Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
