I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
