Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
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