if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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