fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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