New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
