My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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