based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
