If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
