dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
