I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
