Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
