Where did you get a picture of my penis
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
