The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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