I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
me + whiskey = a bad person
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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