I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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