..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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