Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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