you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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