I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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