my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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