Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
