He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
