Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize