Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
