I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
