Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize