I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
