Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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