im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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