i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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