cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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