Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize