Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
