You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
