I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
