At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
