exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
