do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
