I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
