I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
