You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
