She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
