I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
