i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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