New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize