we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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