Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
